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Sources of Dependency and External Control
In the normal scheme of things, a person can fend for himself when left to
his resources. However, parents are extremely protective of their children
and are on hand to fulfill their every need.
This dependence becomes conditional when children grow up. They can
lead independent lives but stay with their parents since they cannot afford
the same standard of living as provided by their parents. This situation
continues until an individual believes that he/she can be independent. An
independent individual is more responsible and competent and is internally
strong.
Since man is a social animal, the sources of dependency are limited to
family, peer group and reference groups. Society imposes many beliefs and
values in individuals. Instead of accepting them at face value, one must
analyze everything and then accept it.
People have strong rooted value systems that they inherit from their
parents. These values constantly reprimand them throughout life. One must
break free of these beliefs by accepting those that are rational and
discarding those that are irrelevant; without feeling guilty for doing so. The
conflict emerges when our value systems clash with what we actually want
to do.
An individual who depends on others will feel pressurized and kill his
feelings to please others. On the other hand, a person with strong internal
control will please himself first and then think of others. In fact, the key to
happiness lies in deciding one’s interest without harming others.
Surprisingly compliments can be sources of external control.
Individuals receive conditional compliments in the promise of undertaking
certain tasks. A smart internally controlled person can recognize this
manipulation and give no commitment to do the job, while an externally
dependent person will go to any extent to fulfill his duties. Therefore, an
individual must recognize the sources of dependency and take the steps to
overcome them.
Sources of Internal Control
Society conditions us to give preference to others over self. This leads to
self-deprivation and sacrifice of one’s needs and desires for the sake of
others.
A person who puts self before others is not selfish as long as it doesn't hurt
anyone. An individual who is happy and satisfied can make others happy.
This is unlike an externally controlled person who is frustrated and
burdened by the need to meet others’ expectations.
Since internal control emanates from within oneself, one has to become
more aware of one’s needs, ambitions and desires. Recognizing these
signals and paying attention to them is the first step to achieving more
internal control.
Another way to develop internal control is to look within and to be more
conscious of one’s feelings. Again, an individual can face a conflict between
satisfying self and ignoring the needs of others. The resolution lies in
listening to one’s higher self. This inner voice knows what is best for the
individual and can help resolve such moral issues.
An individual with a strong inner self will never compromise his own
interest, neither will he offend others. This is a delicate balance, but one
can develop one’s judgment with experience of several issues.
However, a person has control only over his actions and emotions. He can
regulate these activities to satisfy his needs and attain happiness in the
process. To develop internal control one must continuously seek external
approval and sanction. An individual exercises no power over other people’
s thoughts and actions. If it is available it is good, else it is beyond one’s
range of command.
One can strengthen internal control by positive reinforcement and
motivation.
Having knowledge about things is also helpful in raising internal control. A
good way to minimize external control is to have a hobby that keeps one
busy and focused. Those who have no interests are more concerned about
what others say and continuously seek their opinions. Hence, one must
look inward and seek inspiration from one’s higher self to strengthen one’s
internal control.
To read more on How to be Happiness go to 1, 2, 3
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