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One can focus better on developing internal control if one analyzes the
reasons for dependence on external control factors. This analysis gives an
insight into one’s weaknesses and directions to overcoming those
weaknesses.
People depend on others in an attempt to avoid responsibility or shift
blame. They may seek approval or act in a helpless manner so that others
make the decisions. Individuals who are not assertive are internally weak
and this leads them to seek external control. Internal weakness stems from
a low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence.
A negative outlook towards life acts as a negative reinforcement, and one
develops an inferiority complex. Such individuals feel it is selfish to be
happy without making others happy. They have a massive fear of loneliness
and rejection. Sometimes, they may put on a facade to hide some negative
aspect of their personalities.
The first step to break this negative cycle is to accept oneself and to be
truthful to oneself. One must learn to put self before others in a way that
both parties are happy. One has to face facts and take responsibility for
oneself and one’s actions. This helps one to be independent and gives
immense mental strength to live on one’s terms.
If a person still lacks confidence, he has to motivate himself about the
rewards of internal control and the restrictions of external control. A person
controlled by external factors is a weakling and loses all self-respect and
independence.
A better way to strengthen one’s internal control system is to do some
introspection to get in touch with one’s inner self. One must remember that
social acceptance stems from self-acceptance. Hence, one must love
oneself before loving others. One must break away from abnormal
relationships and start fresh. It can be painful at first, but one develops a
healthy and positive attitude to life without the burdens of a dead
relationship. One must trust oneself without entrusting one’s future in the
hands of others.
Ultimately, it is important to remember that the key to internal focus and
control lies in a total break from external controlling factors.
How to Control Other People
One can develop a strong internal control system by listening to one’s
higher self. However, there are times when there is a conflict of interest
between one’s internal control and the external control system. The
problem's resolution lies in doing what is best for self without hurting others.
This is a tough decision and one can turn to one’s higher self to help in
these circumstances. The higher self plays an important role in an internally
controlled person. However, one can control others in a number of ways
without being rude.
The first step is to acknowledge that one is submissive and automatically
does things to please others. These feelings create stress and the person
is torn between self-interest and satisfying others’ expectations. One must
then assert oneself and gently refuse to oblige the external forces without
feeling guilty.
One can control other people by taking steps to increase one’s internal
control. This is possible by associating with positive people with healthy
lifestyles. One must think independently by keeping away from the external
source of control for a while.
There is great strength in the power of imagination. One must visualize
oneself to be assertive in different situations. This gives the person courage
to face the world and to make independent decisions. One must seek a
balance between external and internal sources of control so that all parties
involved are satisfied and happy.
One must be more observant and not fall for subtle manipulation by external
forces from our reference group. One must resolve differences of opinion by
listening to the other person and keeping all lines of communication open.
It helps to keep a cool head and to focus on the cause of disagreement
rather than arguing abusively. One may not listen to the other person, but
one must have total respect for his feelings and thoughts.
Therefore, an intelligent individual is one who is assertive without being
rude and the path to controlling others thus lies in developing a strong
internal control system.
To read more on How to be Happiness go to 1, 2, 3
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